It doesn’t matter what you dream about and what you strive for, you and I are united by one goal – the desire to be happy. But there is always something that separates us from our cherished dream, and most often it is ourselves. Where is the key to success hidden?
We share the thoughts of the famous psychologist Mikhail Efimovich Litvak, who is very correct in talking about human happiness and the ways to achieve it.
“Every person is born to be happy. However, are there many who can say that he is really happy? Surely only a few of you will answer in the affirmative. So what is needed for this? Happiness lies in the fact that the general content of life consists of three concepts: “I want”, “I can” and “must”.
But most often they do not match in our country. If I want to, then I can’t. If I have to, then I don’t like it. How to put your affairs in order? If you want to but cannot, try learning. Any activity is good. You just need to start acting.
We have different desires. But sorting them is also important. For example, the urge to drink is unnatural. It leads to inhibition of personality development. You should get rid of such conflicting desires. Actions should lead to personal development. The strategy for working on yourself is to be as good as possible. A person first of all strives to satisfy his desires.
When you choose a goal, first of all find out if the road you should follow leads to it. If this is not your path, you must turn off it. Internal forces push us on the right path. It is known that the tree tends to grow upward. If it does not succeed, it begins to sprout branches to the side. When the obstacle in its path disappears, it grows up again.
If you start thinking – decide, and if you decide, then act. The main thing is to act, do not hesitate. You should not be afraid of mistakes, failure is seven times more beneficial than success.
Trouble helps you realize your mistakes and act right next time. Why exactly seven times? In the brain, positive emotions occupy 35%, and negative ones – 5%. Therefore, when a person feels bad, he begins to think. Failures keep us on our toes, there is no need to be afraid of them, without them there is no development.
Do not try to change circumstances and other people, but change yourself and adapt to circumstances. Circumstances try to change mentally immature individuals. Ideally, you need to change yourself and your vision of the situation. For example, I used to be afraid of heights and avoided mountain trips. They aroused panic, anxiety in me.
Now the mountains beckon and excite me. What happened? Have the mountains changed? No, they stayed the same. I changed myself. A mentally mature and mentally immature person can be in one place, but at the same time live in different worlds.
Signs of mental maturity
The mature person acts
A person, mentally immature, directs all efforts to the arrangement of his personal life. For a mature personality, deeds, gaining independence are more important. The personal of such a person is arranged by itself. In my practice, there were some losers who complained about problems finding a second half. I advised them to start earning more. And, indeed, after some time their personal life was getting better, in other words, there were many more options for choosing the second half.
The needs of a mentally mature person depend on their success. An immature person copies them and increases their size. A mature person arranges his affairs on his own, an immature person wants someone else to do it for her.
A mentally immature person is worried about how he looks. The mature person does not worry about this. But she always looks good.
An immature person strives to occupy a high position. Such a person wants to have a lot, but at the same time he is not engaged in personal growth. The situation comes to a mature person by itself. It is a product of personal growth.
Many of my charges have difficulties because they try to appear. You really need to be. There is one interesting experiment: stand on tiptoe and count the time that you will stand. How long did you manage to stand? Unlikely, because it is not your height. You cannot keep in this position for a long time. But spiritual growth is limitless.
It is necessary to set only lofty goals, since only one path leads to a small one, and many to a large one. Of course, you shouldn’t forget that the goals must be real. Remember, you started your life with a sperm, which then needed to take first place among millions of others. A small goal will lead to nothing, a large goal will allow you to achieve at least something.
For example, can a perpetual motion machine be invented? No, and you don’t need to do this. Just as you will never succeed in re-educating another person, you don’t have to try. Setting small goals is characteristic of neurotic natures.
A person needs to please three people: himself, the boss and the sexual partner. It should be borne in mind that you can leave your wife (husband), and quit your job. And only from yourself there is no escape. Therefore, first of all, you need to like yourself. Many people argue with this statement when thinking about children. They are only in fourth place.
Children will leave, and much earlier than it happens physically. At the age of 12-14, they already begin to despise their parents, do not understand them. At the age of 20, with the right upbringing, the child leaves home and is completely separated. But a family, if built correctly, can last much longer.
You can’t live just for the sake of a child. He must be brought up so that he can feed himself already at the age of 20. Moreover, he must break not only with children, but also with parents. Development is due to the fact that our children do not obey us. Otherwise, we would be living in a cave. Anything new causes protest.
I would like to say a little about what is called fate. How to get out of the scenario of life? Initially, a person is programmed to grow, but “viruses” start to act, and he makes circles. According to fate, a person must move higher and higher.
Maslow also said that there would be no end to complaints, but by their level one can judge the level of needs. For example, a person complains about the lack of a car – this is one thing, but if he wants a garage, this is a completely different level. To change fate, you need to exit the script. Change yourself, then the scenario will change. And the main thing is to have a good opinion of yourself.
We are all exceptions created in a single instance, therefore always the first. One should not copy another, one should make oneself. Everyone knows the proverb that the soldier who does not dream of becoming a general is bad. Over the years, I rethought it. I came to the conclusion that one must dream of becoming a general in order to be a good soldier.
If you don’t do anything, how can you be helped? You need to get out of the swamp of your destiny. The main thing is that the dirt left on you after this does not grow and tighten again.