How often have you heard the phrase “Sorry, I don’t have time” when you suggest a friend to go somewhere or ask for help? Perhaps you yourself have told others this. And if sometimes this excuse is true, then in other cases it means something else.
What is really hidden behind the phrase “I have no time”
If we hear this, we usually take people’s word for it. After all, who are we to judge the free time of others? But deep down in our hearts, doubts creep in about the veracity of such an answer. And the only reason for doubt is the fact that we ourselves sometimes resort to such tricks. So what is this phrase actually hiding? There are several options and they are listed below.
1. I really have a lot to do and I just can’t. Most of us take on too much and when it is necessary or we want to help someone with something, we simply do not have time to deal with all the current issues.
2. I have more important things to do than this. It sounds harsh, but sometimes certain things take precedence over others.
3. I am free, but I do not want to do this. People are not always in a good mood, they may get tired or what you have to offer, they just don’t like it. Perhaps at that very moment they want to relax on a bench with a good book in their hands or with a glass of wine, but it is hard for them to admit that they would rather not spend time with you.
4. I have nothing to do, but I do not want to explain the reason for my refusal. In some situations, it’s easier to tell the truth than to go into lengthy explanations of why you don’t have the time or desire. The person may not be in the mood, or they just don’t want to spend time with you. This is a quick and sure way to give up something and avoid awkward questions.
Do not indulge the common lies
In 90% of cases, the justification for such a refusal is a lie. It is not surprising, because no one is hiding her. On the contrary, we usually ignore such an excuse without going into detailed questions. But on the other hand, instead of indulging this lie, we should consider how it affects our friendships and relationships with others.
• You are not that important. Can a situation when you are in the background of a person indicate a good relationship with him? It takes efforts on both sides to maintain them. And if you never have time for that, then it’s time to rethink the value of this relationship.
• You are not treated with due respect. Each of us deserves to have good friends, a loving family, and a loyal other half. But ask yourself, do they respect you? Do they consider you important enough people in their lives?
• They cannot be frank with you. A true friend will not hide other plans for the evening from you behind a wall of lies. He will do everything to make amends, postpone your meeting to another time, just to spend time with you. If he has to tell a lie, this can only indicate a serious problem.
Popular lies and their harm
Of course, to some extent, we ourselves are to blame for being lied to. But what does this say about us and our vision of relationships? Deep in our souls, we all understand the reason for this lie, regardless of whether it comes from us or from others. But by subconsciously refusing to accept the truth, we do not get rid of the consequences. Repeated rejection changes the way people think about you, interferes with the potential development of close relationships, or even breaks them off altogether.
Here are some examples of what thoughts pop into the minds of people who hear the phrase “I’m busy”:
1. “For you, our relationship is worthless, I already cease to respect you”,
2. “How arrogant you are if you are not able to tell me the truth”,
3. “You are so undisciplined that you can’t even plan your time properly.”
Take time or tell the truth
Ultimately it all comes down to priority. It’s no secret that there are only 24 hours in a day, and the only question is how we manage them. Each of us always has a choice, to devote time to something or not.
Put all excuses aside and be honest. Explain why you don’t have time. It can be hard, but it’s even worse if you ruin your relationship with loved ones with your innuendo.
Tell them you have better things to do
It’s really hard to hear or say that, isn’t it? But honesty is the best behavior in such a situation. Our time is very limited, so there is no need to deny it. Yes, it sounds rude, but that is at least more honest than making a person feel like they were just being brushed aside.
Explain the reason
The best thing you can do to mitigate the situation is to explain your behavior. This will help the other person to better understand your situation and be less in danger of ruining your relationship.
Suggest an alternative
Always try to set aside another time to show the person their importance. If you want to maintain a relationship with him, you need to make him feel his value here and now.
A good example: your friend asks if you could visit her next Friday for her new show. To go, you will need to postpone your job search. Instead of just apologizing and saying you’re busy, explain the importance of your current plans, wish her luck, and invite her over for coffee after the show to see how it went.
Remember, the common excuse for running out of time can backfire. If you feel like you are using it too often, try to overestimate the importance of friendship and relationships with those you refuse. Be honest and it will help you maintain your relationship with the people you care about.