All people want to be happy. We read books, watch movies, even sign up for workshops to learn how to do it. But why isn’t this always enough?
Psychologist Nick Wignall believes that the first step is to get rid of what makes you unhappy. In fact, there are many things that we do wrong. And, if you correct them, you will immediately feel the changes in your life.
What sabotages our happiness? As clichéd as it sounds, these are our habits. Many of them have been going on since childhood. And year after year they harm us and our success.
Here are 6 habits you need to get rid of in order to find happiness:
1. You worry about the future and what other people think of you.
Worry gives us the illusion of control. With this habit, our mind tries to solve a problem that either cannot be solved or is not really a problem. It also creates the appearance of “activity”. We don’t feel useless because at least we’re trying to do something.
We hate helplessness. But let’s face it. Sometimes we are helpless. Yes, something terrible can happen to you or the people you care about. But you are not a psychic. You don’t know what will happen next. To worry about it is to deny reality and demand that it be the way you want it to be.
Are you benefiting from your anxiety? Unlikely. Recognize that you have this habit. And try to get rid of it.
2. You suppress your feelings in public.
Being sad in public is considered socially unacceptable, unless it’s a funeral (in which case you might cry a little). We all learned from childhood to control ourselves and mask our emotions, because we thought it was indecent to show them. The strangest thing is that we hide them even from the closest people.
But don’t distance yourself from them. You need support. You need someone who will see how difficult it is for you and hug you. This person can listen to you or just keep quiet. Even this will make it much easier for you.
3. You do not stand up for your interests and go with the flow.
Most people don’t like conflict. But that’s because they don’t know there’s a lot to be gained from it. No one wants to give the impression of a rude and aggressive person. Therefore, by default, we do not defend our opinion and simply remain silent. But after all, in conflicts, not only shouting and swearing. They can be assertive.
Self-confidence means standing up for your own desires, needs, and values. Thanks to it, you can increase your self-esteem, learn to say “no” and demand the respect you deserve. Self-confidence is a skill that anyone can learn. But you just need to start doing something for this.
4. You talk harshly and rudely to yourself.
We all have an inner voice. We consult with him what to wear or what a work colleague thinks about our hairstyle. But often in our head we have not the most pleasant conversations. We scold ourselves, criticize and even call names.
Think about it: if you talked to other people the way you talk to yourself, you probably wouldn’t have a job or friends. The problem is that we were taught from childhood to be tough on ourselves. Why? It was motivation and the best way to force myself to be disciplined and get things done.
The irony is that you achieve something not because of such self-criticism and “self-criticism.” And thanks to your skills, talents, etc. Moreover, such self-talk makes you feel terrible. Maybe it’s time to change this behavior pattern?
5. You are trying to cope with stress.
Do you have chronic stress and are told you need to deal with it? This is a terrible solution to the problem. Because it only treats the symptoms, not the underlying “disease”. Stress management is a band-aid. You need to eliminate the original cause of stress (the stressor), not your feelings and sensations (your reaction to it).
For example, if you constantly experience it at work, you can certainly do breathing exercises. Your stress level will drop a little for a while. But that won’t change the fact that you take on too much and don’t know how to say no. In other words, work stress is a messenger. He is trying to tell you that there is something wrong with the way you work.
Psychologist Nick Wignall does not detract from the virtues of meditation. But he asks us not to dwell on our response to stress. The most important thing is to understand why it arose and solve the main problem.
6. You believe your thoughts implicitly
What is so special about your thoughts? Seriously. Why do you give so much to what comes to your mind? For example, you think that a colleague thinks you are lazy. So what? Does the thought of it make this statement more weighty? And who knows exactly what other people think of you? You didn’t ask about it directly.
Think about how many times you have suffered from this habit. You “nibbled” yourself and suffered because of the far-fetched. Remember: your thoughts are not special. Cultivate skepticism. Yes, they will appear in your head. But don’t pay too much attention to them. After all, if you do this, you will provoke the mind to create even more harmful ideas in your head.
Better don’t do that. You will be much happier if you get rid of this habit.