Have you ever wondered why our children do not want to spend time with us? Maybe because once, when they were young, we did not find time to just be with them, putting all our affairs aside? Childhood is the most tender and vulnerable part of life.
And if we prioritize daily concerns instead of the needs of our child, then do we have the right to demand that children give us time later? Having a child and providing for it does not mean raising. To give him the necessary material things or to teach him with words does not mean to educate. Children don’t need education. They need love.
Do you hear this question as often as I do? The kids want to lie down with me every night because they love to spend time with their mom. This is my new favorite phrase. Why? Let me tell.
Our children are 10, 7 and a half, 6 and 4 years old. Do you know that our seven-year-old son asks me every night when I come to sleep him?
“Mommy, will you lie with me?”
And it saddens me to think that most of the evenings I answered:
“Just for a second, dear. I need to make sure your brothers and sisters are asleep. I need to clean up the kitchen. I need to work on my work notes. Dad and I are going to dinner. “
Regardless of the reason, we all say the same thing:
“Just for a second. There are other more important things to do. “
I know, I know, we can’t lie all night. The child will wait for this, like all children. “Give your finger and bite off your whole hand” we think that we will lie down for only 5 minutes, they want 20. We lie there for 20, the children ask for 40.
But … You know what? Several years ago, a friend of our family passed away in his sleep. A week later, in another city, a seven-year-old boy suddenly died while playing in the yard. I find it difficult to think about it, talk and write.
Now, when my son asks “Mom, lie down with me” – this is the best thing that can happen in the evening. Because I hear the details that 7-year-olds no longer tell their moms.
“… Told me he was nice today. How disgusting. Really, Mom? “
“Today we had a math test and got the highest grade !! You see, mom! I studied and I did it! “
“I miss our dog. When do you think we can take another? “
“Mom, remember, you told me that during wrestling, I should help my younger brother when he falls behind. I helped. I ran right after him, as my dad told me. I even told him that he can do it. He said that his stomach hurts from running, and I said that if he wants to, he can run slower, and I will run with him, even though running slowly is REALLY boring, Mom! “
This all happens when we put off all other worries. This all happens when we forget about all the things that we should or wanted to do.
My grandmother told me to enjoy children while they need us. She also said that she does not know why people give birth to children if they absolutely do not want to spend time with them. She said that she loves raising her children and knows that I will do the same.
My parents and my husband’s parents remind us all the time that one day our children won’t want to spend so much time with us. This thought breaks my heart!
But! This day is not today. Today I’ll lie down with my baby when he asks me about it and with all his 4 children and sing them their favorite songs.
If we add just 10 minutes to each of our evenings, when our patience is running out and fatigue is at the limit, another 10 minutes, which I am happy to spend with our children. Listening to them, encouraging them, and repeating:
“Today, right now, you are the most important thing for me.”
And you know what?
In 10 years, these words will come back when my son is 17 years old, and I will order him to stop and just sit with ME for a couple of minutes … and he will do it