Apr 19, 2021
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Is it necessary to call the mother-in-law mom if you don’t want to

Is it necessary to call the mother-in-law mom if you don't want to

Of course, no one will be surprised that the children of the mother-in-law call their own mother “mother”. This is probably the most important person in their life and it is not at all strange that only the warmest feelings should be in their relationship.

On the other hand, when a new person appears in the family, namely a daughter-in-law, these relationships are not always so straightforward. For example, does a young woman need to call her father-in-law “mom,” or is it unnecessary? And if the mother-in-law herself does not call her betrothed her son “daughter,” what’s wrong with that? Let’s figure it out.

Our editorial office received a letter from a girl who recently got married and was a little dumbfounded by the behavior of her new relative, namely her husband’s mother. How she should be is not clear. Perhaps you can advise something, who knows.

Guys, help, please, explain to me how to be. Not a very pleasant story happened to me recently, rather not even a story, an incident. I am still in a slight shock and do not know what to do next, what to do.

I am 26 years old, six months ago I got married. I will not bore you with a story about how gorgeous the wedding was (everything was pretty enough, without too much fanfare), how happy I was, and what a beautiful dress I was wearing that day (and this is the truth). So, both before the wedding and after my husband’s relatives and I had no problems.

We met his parents a year and a half ago, they are very good, pleasant people. I immediately liked them without reservations. They live outside the city, retired, keep the farm. We bought our son an apartment in the city, first for study, and then he found a good job and so on, you know how it happens.

We stayed with my husband for a couple of months before the wedding, and everything was really great. From time to time we visited either his parents or mine. There were no incidents at the wedding itself, the standard official part with the registry office and decent “festivities” after.

So, as befits a well-mannered person, I always called my father-in-law and mother-in-law by first name and patronymic. This is how they taught me at school, and somehow I cannot do otherwise. And before the wedding, everything was fine with it. But at the very celebration, my husband’s mother came up to me a little drunk and said so, in a simple way: “Well, why are you, Alinka, calling me so officially? Call me now mom, and I will call you daughter. “

At that time, I did not pay attention to it. Thoughts were somewhere far away, and I also noticed a cheerful note in her voice and yes, of course, I agreed. Well, what, they are not strangers after all. But my mother is the only one, how can I call another person with such a warm word, even if I have nothing against the person himself?
For some time after the wedding, my husband’s parents and I did not see each other. Rest, household appliances and so on. But then we decided to make repairs, and my husband offered to live with his mother for a couple of days, so as not to interfere with the workers. There is enough room in their house, but I don’t mind, I work from home, why not.

We were well greeted, set the table. And then my mother-in-law says, they say, daughter, how are things there, how long do we have to wait for our grandson, and so on. I’m not even against asking about my grandchildren, because I’ve heard a lot from my friends who got married earlier. Morally ready for this. But this mother-daughter relationship is beyond my strength.

Well, I answer, no, probably, they themselves are not against children, but we’ll see. And by name and patronymic, it means that I dignify my mother-in-law. There is a short pause, a sigh, and the husband’s mother begins a long tirade about the fact that since her son has a wife, then she is already her daughter automatically, and she, accordingly, is her mother. That is mine.

I just smiled and said nothing. In the evening before everyone went to bed, my mother-in-law again wanted to bring this up, but I was too tired.

After a couple of days, I missed the junk food and ordered pizza for everyone. From the other end of the telephone wire they promised that the courier would arrive only in an hour and a half (outside the city), and with a clear conscience I began to work, and then went to the shower. Coming out of the shower and working for some more time, I remembered the order. The timer showed that several hours had passed, and there was still no pizza.

There was no one else in the house except for “mom”. After my question, she answered, of course, yes. He was like that. But she chased him away, said that such people do not live here. And why? Because in this house my husband only lives and the children. Everything. If you do not consider yourself my daughter, eat either what they give or in a restaurant.

I did not tell my husband about this case until the renovation was completed and we were in our apartment. He just blinked in bewilderment and didn’t even know what to say. But I understand him, I, too, probably would have been at a loss. So that’s it.

Soon his mother’s birthday and we, of course, will have to come to visit. I don’t feel sorry for the money for a gift, I’m not like that.

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