Hearing the word “tyrant”, many women imagine a despotic, aggressive man who “explodes” over every trifle. But in fact, a tyrant can seem completely harmless, charming and positive. These are the so-called hidden aggressors, which are perfectly “disguised” especially in the presence of strangers. They seem ideal to women exactly until the moment when they become truly close.
Where does it all begin? Psychologists say that the very positivity of the character should already alert, since this is a sign that a person skillfully hides not his best qualities. It is not surprising that women willingly marry tyrants, give birth to children for them, and then sincerely wonder why their husbands have changed so much …
Not all tyrants are scoundrels, many of them really dream of starting a family and behave very correctly, which captivates the fair sex. But due to some kind of mental trauma or a pathological perception of the world, the male aggressor sometimes completely unconsciously turns his chosen one into a victim. This happens slowly, so it is often imperceptible.
At first, the aggressor can inspire a woman with the feeling that she is not good enough and no one needs her but him. He usually does this out of fear of losing her. When it seems to her that the best thing that happened to her in life is a meeting with her lover, he willingly continues to create “perfection” from the chosen one. He assures that he says / does / hits only for her own good. There can be several reasons why a man behaves this way: imprints of relationships with parents, unsuccessful relationships in the past, aggression inherent at the biological level (mental disorder). As a result of such relationships, a woman may have abrasions on her soul and body. In order not to fall into such a trap, we suggest that you familiarize yourself with the main signs of a tyrannical personality.
8 signs that your man is a tyrant
1. “I don’t like your family/your friends”
A person prone to violence always seeks control and power, so male tyrants gradually try to isolate their chosen ones from their usual social circle. Manipulations in this case can be different – sometimes a man causes a feeling of guilt, saying that without you he is very sad or speaks negatively about your close friend and asks you to stop communicating with her or suspects you of treason and requires your constant presence nearby.
For you, every meeting with family, friends or colleagues can be a real torture, because he will pester you with stormy arguments or dismantle a bad mood. And surprisingly, he will be so demanding only in relation to you, but not to himself, he will meet with his family and friends whenever he wants. The unconscious purpose of this behavior is to deprive you of all support from the outside and establish complete control over the situation.
2. “I’ve never had normal women/friends”
Listen to what your man has to say about ex-lovers and friends. It is important. If he sees an enemy in every person from the past, then it is possible that over time you will take the same place in his life. Even if now he says that he has never met someone like you and only you understand him in this cruel world, do not rush to dissolve in praises. His world is teeming with enemies and your slightest “wrong” move will turn you from a “goddess” into a “Judas”.
3. “You have a strange point of view”
It is certainly good when there is a lot in common between you and a man, but at the beginning of a relationship, you should pay attention to what the difference is. A man with a healthy psyche will treat dissimilar qualities calmly. For example, he will be interested in why you became a vegetarian. The aggressor, on the contrary, will take a different point of view with hostility and tell you that vegetarianism is nonsense, you just need to try good meat at least once, preferably with blood. The aggressor likes to suppress and demonstrate his superiority.
4. “You don’t have to work, I’ll provide for you”
This is a ruse that unfortunately many women fall for. But how can you resist if he keeps saying that you need to take care of yourself, create comfort in the house, raise children, and he, like a hero, will earn enough for everyone. But as soon as you become financially dependent on such a man, he will immediately prove that you are not capable of anything and understand absolutely nothing in this life.
5. “Fulfill your obligations”
Partnerships imply that a man and a woman have certain responsibilities, people set their own rules that are acceptable to both. In the case of psychological violence, the situation is different – a man can tell you about the inadmissibility of betrayal, while he himself does not mind “going to the side”, he can come home from work exhausted, and require you to be in good shape and radiate positive. If you try to satisfy all his wishes, then over time their list will expand significantly and no matter how much effort you put in, you will still see his displeased face.
6. “Why do you need some kind of self-realization ?!”
Every person needs to replenish their energy reserves and have a good rest sometimes in order to be more resilient to various life challenges, to feel happy, free and whole. And for women, this is especially important, it is enough for someone to spend a little time in nature, someone likes to embroider in the evenings, someone likes to visit exhibitions or concerts. Everyone chooses a suitable source of energy for himself, but if a manipulator is near you, he will try in every possible way to “de-energize” you. It will push all your hobbies into the background, and over time you will notice that you have lost your inner “battery”. You won’t have the strength to do anything.
7. “Don’t argue with me”
The aggressors are not able to control their emotions and they perceive any jokes in their direction very sharply. If your man always argues passionately, raises his voice, is rude to everyone who does not agree with his point of view, then be sure that sooner or later you will find yourself “sweat on the other side of the barricades.” The tyrant is sure that the truth is always on his side, it is useless to argue with him.
8. “I’m so unhappy, have pity on me!”
Tyrants never find satisfaction. They always don’t like it. There is emptiness and pain in their hearts, which they try to compensate for by total control over those who are dear to them. If a man constantly complains about life, relatives, friends, the government, about his missed opportunities or the weather, this is a sure sign that you have an aggressor in front of you. He will always find someone to blame for his failures. But at the same time, he does not even think that he destroys everything with his own hands.
Unfortunately, many women play the role of victim in relationships for years, and sometimes all their lives, suffering from hidden violence. Surrounding the union of the victim with the aggressor seems ideal, but in fact, in such an alliance, one person gradually “breaks” the other. In a healthy relationship, even conflict brings a man and a woman closer because they feel supported by each other. Strive for such relationships and stay away from tyrants, as breaking out of their grip is not easy.