“Not so long ago, my younger sister and her husband moved to the house where I live with my parents. The problem is that my sister’s husband frankly comments on my shortcomings: the pimple jumped up, the makeup is strange, then something else. It really hurts me – he is practically a stranger to me. Repeatedly told him to stop, but to no avail. I don’t understand at all how I should react to all this, ”says 26-year-old Lyubov.
Everyone has to face criticism. Constructive criticism is necessary for everyone, it helps to recognize and correct their mistakes. But sometimes people criticize each other unreasonably, and this makes it very annoying and sad.
Many are faced with the fact that they do not know how to react to insults, and therefore each time they fall under a new distribution of unflattering statements about themselves. If you are one of such people, we will show you how to respond correctly to barbs and unpleasant remarks addressed to you.
The concept of “offending” is fundamentally wrong, if we judge logically. In essence, you cannot offend a person if he himself does not want to be offended. That is, to accept as truth that something is wrong in himself or in his actions.
It is important to understand that by hurting someone’s feelings, the offender is thus trying to provoke his “victim” to a response. Reacting as he needs, that is, violently and with full dedication, the “victim” feeds the offender with his energy and satisfies his need for self-affirmation at his own expense.
In order not to give pleasure to the one who is trying to upset you, you need to use the principle of “psychological aikido” – to use the enemy’s forces to strengthen your territory.
The essence of this principle is to agree with everything that you are told. The phrase: “You are right” – requires a minimum of emotional costs. This does not mean that you must really agree with any unflattering feedback about yourself, but if you respond with calmness and consent, the offender will soon get tired of hurting you, and he will leave you alone.
All that is required of you is to reduce the emotional intensity. You must understand what is worth spending your energy on, where it is worth arguing, and what you should not pay attention to at all.
But this method is only suitable for answering a stranger. If you are hurt by a loved one, you need to act in a completely different way. Relatives know all our “sore” places and therefore it is much easier for them to hurt us than strangers. It is necessary to learn to control emotions, because in response we can hurt a loved one for a living and then more than once regret it.
Sometimes friends or relatives upset us unintentionally and may not even notice that we are offended. In such cases, it is imperative to talk about your feelings to the offender and discuss the situation as a whole, so that the person understands that he did wrong and knows how to improve relations in the future.