The ability to show compassion and empathy is considered a positive quality. But it is important to exercise them correctly. If after talking with another person you feel exhausted, then you need to think about whether to change your behavior.
There are many problems in our life. Our relatives and friends also have them, and we often have to listen to complaints about something or someone. On the one hand, this is natural, people want to somehow relieve tension, talk out, and we help them in this. On the other hand, constantly listening to other people’s complaints takes energy from us.
Some people talk about their problems to get support and advice. And others – to transfer their negativity to another. You need to learn to distinguish.
Perhaps people belonging to the second category will call you an insensitive egoist when you refuse to follow their lead. Maybe they will try to instill a feeling of guilt or something else unpleasant. Not scary. The compensation will be the burst of energy and self-esteem after giving up toxic interactions.
Why you shouldn’t listen to complaints
Because the one who only complains does nothing to change his life. He is used to being in the role of the offended. Such is his psychotype, such a worldview.
You will listen to him, and how can you help? Nothing. He doesn’t need help, he needs to talk. And a conversation without a goal is meaningless.
Complaining, he subconsciously, and sometimes, and consciously relieves himself of the feeling of guilt for his failure. A specialist who knows how to influence the way of thinking should work with such people.
The greatest negative impact on a person is exerted by his own thoughts about bad things.
You will never solve the problems of the always complaining, because he does not intend to solve them. You will never comfort his soul with compassion, because he does not need it. All he strives for is to find relief from responsibility for his fate. That is, to the impossible.
What happens to us when we constantly listen to complaints
We give energy to nowhere. We want to help, but there is no solution to the problem. We try again and again, and we are exhausted as a result.
The first signs of exhaustion
- Emotional imbalance
- Difficulty solving your own problems
- Concentration problems
- The emergence of negative thoughts
What can we do to avoid being led by complainers
Set and keep distance
Perhaps the complainer at first will be offended by indifference. But in fact, if everyone stopped listening to his endless talk about the futility of being, he would finally have to solve his problems, instead of just talking about them, or stop fixating on the bad.
Make it clear to the complainant that there is no one to be held responsible for what is happening, except himself
Let’s say you listened to a person. If so, then take the time to tell him honestly that there is a local problem that he complains about, and there is a more global one, which consists in his negative attitude to the situation and to life in general.
Don’t show “weakness”
The complainer is a manipulator. Don’t show him your willingness to follow his lead. So you will destroy two – both yourself and him. The negative activity of the person who complains to you will never stop like that. Having exhausted you, he will find himself another victim.
Ask him to respect your right to privacy. And also on the choice of the topic of conversation. You might say that you don’t want to talk about “tragedies and troubles” all the time. Then the person will be forced to distract from the negative.