Answers Doctor of Psychology, Clinical Psychologist, Professor of the Department of Social Psychology, Moscow State Regional University Olga Ovsyanik...
"It's the same everywhere." We often hear or say this phrase ourselves. Indeed, quite often in life the same situation repeats itself with terrifying regularity. As a rule, with a minus sign.
A person is constantly cheated (or substituted, robbed, etc.), or he becomes a victim of aggression, violence, deception. Even if he changes work, family and place of residence, after a while in a new place with new people all the same is repeated.
Sometimes the life of children exactly repeats the life scenario of their parents.
Why is this happening and how to get out of the vicious circle?
First you need to realize that life, for some reason, makes you go through the same lesson. The conclusion suggests itself: obviously, this lesson has not been learned. Think about what conclusion you need to draw and what the solution to this problem might look like.
Try to imagine that you are in the auditorium and watching a movie about your life. Look carefully. Your task is to find the event that became the trigger (started this situation). Return to the traumatic situation, but not by an outside observer, but an actor, and change the course of events. Let it end differently, happily.
Get what you were denied. Give back to the abuser. Grab the cheater's hand. Do not be faint-hearted: tell him to his face what you think of him. Stop aggression. Forbid mom (teacher, grandmother, neighbor) to shout at you or dad - raise his hand to mom. You are big and strong. You can already do this.
Give yourself permission to do what you have been reprimanded for. If you reproached that you are lazy, allow yourself to mess around, love this state and understand that there is nothing shameful in it.
Was it accused of being a "blue stocking" or "gray neck"? Look in the mirror: most likely, this is no longer the case. And if this is still the case, then why?
The family did not have enough money and are you ashamed to spend it on yourself? Buy yourself what you want without remorse. You earned for it, which means you deserve it.
You entrusted the secret to a friend and she told the whole class about it? Tell her to her face in front of everyone that this is mean and mean. By the way, what was that secret? Surely nonsense that you could tell yourself. Anyway, now.
Of course, not always and not everyone succeeds in “lifting the clouds with their hands” on their own. In difficult and confusing situations, the help of a psychologist is usually required. But, even if you just realized that there is a destructive scenario in your life and you want to change it, this is the first, largest and most important step to your liberation.