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Feb 5, 2021
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How to forgive a father after he leaves the family

How to forgive a father after he leaves the family

Today the institution of the family is undergoing enormous trials. Fewer and fewer couples decide to legalize their relationship, and those who have already decided to do this are often disappointed and decide to “cut off the ends.”

Relentless statistics claim that more than half of our marriages end up in divorce. As a result, a huge generation of children is growing up who have not had a chance to live in full-fledged, happy families.

It is generally accepted that adult children perceive parental separation easier. However, this is not always the case. And today we will tell the story of the psychologist Olga Khodaeva, who survived the divorce of her parents at the age of 20, but could not come to terms with it for a long time.

“I remember well the day my father left the family. I, a 20-year-old girl, opened the door of my parents’ closet, saw empty shelves, and the world collapsed. It seemed that I was pierced with a metal knitting needle: “How so, he didn’t even say goodbye ?!”

I just sat on the floor by the closet and cried like a child. It seemed that I was an abandoned puppy, whom they promised to cherish and love, and then suddenly abandoned. It was cold, empty and offensive … ”- Olga shares her memories.

“I loved my father and was proud of him. He was the main man in my life, the protection I could always count on.

Once I got very sick and did not attend school for a long time, I missed a whole quarter. The teachers refused to study with me – too much was missed. And dad prepared me in a couple of nights, and I wrote my tests well, I successfully closed the semester. “

“He got me out of trouble and protected me. Once I ran several blocks after my abuser to punish him.

Father loved mother and showered her with flowers. He always said how he loves us and how he tries so that we don’t need anything. It seemed to me that it will always be so. It seemed that it could not be otherwise. But something broke in their relationship. And my mother and I were left alone …

There was one desire – to return everything. I understood that it would not work to reconcile my parents. However, I hoped to return the relationship that I had with my dad. He said that he would forever remain my father, but over the years we have hardly communicated. “

“I became a psychologist and realized that the dad, whom I adored so much and wanted to return, is no longer there. He is alive and well, but this is no longer the person I knew. He has another woman, a son, a new family.

I am already under 40, and I remain his daughter. But only another man can protect me – my husband. Or myself. It is no longer so painful, sad and offensive. Forgiveness really brought liberation, and I no longer want to return to my old life. She left.

Now I have different, more harmonious relationships with my mother, husband, friends. There is warmth in my soul for that beloved image, and I want to know more about my father, his life, interests, thoughts. But he’s too far away. “

“Someone will say that the happy ending did not work out, we didn’t throw ourselves on each other’s necks and didn’t live as one huge family, as in the films. Yes, I did not succeed. But I figured out how to forgive my father.

As a psychologist, I understand that loss cannot be tolerated just like that. She needs to cry, suffer and even fall out of love. And it doesn’t matter how old you are, because the same child sits inside, who was offended, abandoned, deprived of his family. And he wants to have someone strong nearby, to whom he can complain and ask: “Why did it happen like this?”

The relationship between children and parents is not always easy. But if the emotional connection is strong, then breaking it in an instant is not easy. And the stronger the child is attached to mom and dad, the harder it is for him to go through a divorce.

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