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Jun 23, 2022
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How to determine if we love a partner

How to determine if we love a partner

You meet a person, communicate for a while, and now you already understand that you cannot live without him for a single minute. You are filled with passion and extraordinary enthusiasm. What is it: love or infatuation? These are the signs of true love.

Often the beginning of a relationship begins with great hopes and expectations, a surge of emotions. This is the beginning of a relationship, the so-called “butterflies in the stomach” – falling in love. People often mistake being in love for love. But the beginning of a relationship is precisely a surge of the hormone of pleasure, which cannot last forever. Further, falling in love either becomes love, or not.

Will love become love?

Falling in love can fade away without going into the stage of deep affection.

And if you focus on the book by Erich Fromm “The Art of Loving”, then at the heart of love lies the deepest need of a person to overcome his remoteness and be in unity with another.

We do everything in life based on our needs. We want to drink – we go to pour water, we want to eat – we prepare ourselves to eat. If there is a need for intimacy and acceptance, warmth and satisfaction, then we enter into a relationship. With the help of them, we can close our need to be in the give-and-take with another person.

Mature love and signs of love for a partner

At the same time, mature love implies not only unity with another person, but also the preservation of one’s own integrity. Knowing yourself and loving yourself as a person. Respect and self-worth too.

Love is an active interest in the life and development of the one we love. Where there is no active interest, there is no love.

Signs of love for another:

  • respect;
  • desire for a loved one to develop;
  • caring for a loved one;
  • the desire to see a loved one happy;
  • the ability to be responsible for actions to a loved one;
  • deep acceptance of another and understanding of its need for oneself.

Moreover, if I love with a healthy love, then I want the person I love to develop for his own sake, in his own way, and not in order to serve me. And if I am with him, with another, then I appreciate his individuality, his interests in life, and not that I would like him to change completely and be suitable for my purposes.

Mistakes compared to parent-child love

At the same time, partner love between partners in a relationship differs from parent-child love.

Often people confuse partner and parental love, expecting such unconditional acceptance from a partner as from a parent. But this is fundamentally not true.

A partner can appreciate us, accept us, but his love cannot be unconditional. Because partner love is love built on mutual respect and mutual acceptance, but not unconditional. That is, if the parent accepts unconditionally, without expecting anything in return and forgiving any of our behavior, then the partner does not and should not. Therefore, when we expect unconditional acceptance from a partner, this is a mistake.

Healthy love for another through love for yourself

Also, healthy love for another is inextricably linked with love for oneself. That is, if I don’t know how to love myself, how to take care of myself, how to give to myself with tenderness, how to properly evaluate myself and respect myself, then I won’t be able to give a normal healthy feeling in relation to another.

If I don’t know how to love myself, then love for another will be built more on neurotic soil, out of a panic fear of loneliness, out of fear of losing another, and not out of a desire to give to another, while maintaining both myself and him whole.

Love is activity. If I love, I am in a state of constant active interest in my beloved person, knowing myself and knowing him.

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