Under normal circumstances, shame helps regulate a person’s behavior. Doing something bad or beyond common sense makes you feel awkward and ashamed.
Another thing is that many people suffer from shame too often. This feeling works more sharply for them, which makes it difficult to feel comfortable in any situation. Such people painfully perceive troubles, underestimate their self-esteem and hide from the world in every possible way.
Therefore, today we will tell more about this problematic feeling, explain the nature of its origin, and also tell you how to get rid of the feeling of shame, making your life more interesting and complete.
Shame poisons our lives, makes us feel insignificant. A person is ashamed to make mistakes, ashamed to admit not knowing, ashamed to express emotions, ashamed to attract attention, ashamed to take up a lot of space or time … He minimizes any activity in order to suffer less from shame. And it suffers even more.
In ancient times, the condemnation of other people could even mean physical death. It seems that this is also fixed at the genetic level. Especially in our country, where communism was built for a long time, suppressing all dissidents.
Today, many are still highly dependent on the opinions of others. The notorious “what will people think” puts pressure on each of us. Some have learned to deal with this pressure, some have not.
There is a healthy sense of shame. It guards our principles, moral standards. Moving away from them, we get remorse. And we return. Without such support, it is easy to get lost and do stupid things. For example, a healthy sense of shame prevents us from walking naked down the street or relieving ourselves in the playground. Healthy shame is beneficial.
But there is also a toxic sense of shame. It eats up our confidence, destroys our self-esteem, and depresses us emotionally. Toxic shame makes us very vulnerable to outside influences. The opinion of other people begins to be more important to us than our own. We are losing our identity.
Discover toxic shame
If we are afraid to admit that shame gets in the way of our lives, we are doing ourselves a disservice. Shame is displaced into the unconscious and there it has a destructive effect on us. If shame gets in the way, get rid of it.
Admit your mistakes and imperfections. Think of actions that were pleasurable but ashamed. Analyze these situations in your head. What would have happened if you had not experienced any remorse? It’s okay, is it?
A new emotional beacon
Imagine that you are unfamiliar with the feeling of shame and you are reliving “shameful” life situations. How would you react now? Play this in your head and define a new behavior.
Monitor your emotions and notice changes in behavior when they make you blush. Positive emotions will show that you are moving in the right direction. By lowering your toxic shame, you will open up new opportunities for yourself.
By being ashamed and defending ourselves against rejection, we deprive ourselves of acceptance. Others may consider you a wonderful and talented person, but as long as you devalue their words, you will think differently. Toxic shame arises from contact with other people, so in relationships it must be destroyed. Just let yourself take risks.
Take the risk of believing that the words of approval and support addressed to you are sincere. Take the risk of accepting compliments not as flattery, but as recognition of your merits. Take the risk to rely on your strengths when a new challenge arises … Each positive feedback will only convince you that you deserve more, and the fear of shame will melt away every time.