Dependence on another person begins in the parental family. In fact, a person prone to addiction is an offended, unloved, unloved child. As an adult, he searches the world for someone who could become his Ideal Parent, the parent he did not have.
Considering the conditions in which our parents grew up and were brought up, it is not surprising that many of them have no idea what “love” is. How to survive, they learned well, but how to love …
What is it all about? Feelings are among the classics, but in life completely different mechanisms work. A spouse must be chosen so that a person is good and adapted to everyday life, children – so that they are fed, dressed, learned, and so that everything is no worse than that of people.
It does not matter how the picture of the family looks from the outside, for the personality of the child, what is happening inside the family is decisive. Do the parents show enough respect for the baby, are they responsible for the life, health, provision, development of the child, do they understand his inner world, do they take into account his problems and questions, do they satisfy his needs, ranging from material to tenderness and tactile sensations. In addition, the way parents treat each other lays a certain family script in the child.
Unconsciously, a person is looking for someone to whom he can “stick”, someone who will take good care of him. This is how material, physical, emotional dependencies arise. Even if a person plays the role of a savior for someone, then he is trying to be another such parent that he himself would like to have.
A person will have a tendency to addictive behavior until he becomes his own Ideal Parent. You can continue to feel sorry for yourself, remembering an unhappy childhood and subsequent traumatic situations. You can change the present so that there are no traumatic situations in the future. One way is to meet your Inner Child, heal it, and form the habit of being the parent you want to be.
It is impossible to change your parents, but you can forgive them, because they did what they could and knew how. If they could do it differently, they would do it differently. It is impossible to rewrite childhood, but you can make an offended child inside happy and creative. You can’t do anything with your past, but you can definitely do a lot with your present.