A grumpy father who does not know how to control his emotions has a negative impact on the cognitive and emotional development of his children. Although this behavior is more typical of men, maternal anger is no less damaging. And if both parents are inclined to fall into a rage, the harm increases many times over.
Unfortunately, during a conflict, finding convincing arguments and a reasonable way out of the situation is much more difficult than just yelling. And when there is trouble at work, fathers take it out on their children: they get rid of negative emotions. And it becomes a habit.
Consequences for the child
The cry of the father does not cause respect – only fear. This is how parents win the battle, losing the war, and on several fronts at once: the consequences will affect the formation of the child’s personality, affect his health, and the development of parent-child relations.
The child takes everything literally: the father screams, offends him, which means he does not love him. If the dearest person does not love, then other people can also be cruel and not trustworthy. The result is quite predictable: irritability, anxiety, tearfulness, phobias, bad habits, and difficulties in interacting with other significant adults and with peers appear.
Growing tension causes an anxious expectation of new screams, and such stress can lead to two behavioral strategies:
- bad behavior and violation of the rules – the child persists, knowing that they will yell at him in any case, and so he at least deserves it;
- desire to please – the child will try to do everything that parents expect from him, even at the cost of deceit and flattery.
Children approaching puberty can become deceitful, aggressive, get in trouble with the law, and more.
In the long term, chronic stress can also trigger psychosomatic illnesses.
Aggression as an example
The family microclimate is very dependent on the methods of communication. It is difficult for a child to build a warm trusting relationship with parents who raise their voices – he will simply close emotionally.
As a result, there is a general deterioration in relations, which is especially harmful for preschool children. Adults often do not realize the reasons for the distance of the child and become even more annoyed. This creates a vicious circle.
The child’s relationship with society depends on his relationship in the family.
Yelling as a family communication style leads to habit formation. The child transfers it to social life: in the future he will already scream at his children.
Distrust of the world around prevents you from enjoying life, building trusting relationships with other people, and making friends. This leads to difficulties in building romantic and friendly relationships in adulthood.
Another consequence is lack of independence and infantilism. Lack of support from loved ones causes a feeling of dislike. In this case, it is difficult to form responsibility – the child will try to shift it onto others.
The victim complex is one of the most unpleasant consequences. The child feels unnecessary to the world, becomes touchy, prefers to suffer for the slightest reason, requires active attention and pity from those around him.
How to deal with it?
In order to build a new format of relationships, it is important to understand the causes of screams. First of all, such behavior is a loss of control over oneself and one’s emotional state. Negative feelings break through to the surface, and their addressee becomes a child – a person who is still too small to repel an attack or prevent such outbreaks.
Working with your own behavior is very laborious and energy intensive. But there are recommendations that will help in the fight against screaming:
- Eliminate the irritant. If stress and general irritation are the cause of screams and breakdowns, it is better to try to eliminate the “triggers” of anger.
- Time planning. A clear daily routine will help to avoid rush and will not let you get annoyed about this.
- Visualization of the consequences. If you feel that you are about to break loose, imagine what harm you are doing to the child: how he is frightened, crying, stuttering. Such a picture will quickly sober up and prevent emotions from breaking out.
- Medical support. If the level of irritability and anxiety goes off scale, contact a specialist – he will prescribe a sedative. The main thing is not to resort to the “help” of alcoholic beverages.
- Visualization of “spectators”. Imagine that you are surrounded by people or guests have come to you. As soon as the urge to scream arises, think that others will hear you.
- Development of a symbol. Agree with your child about a key word or phrase that he will say as soon as he feels that you are losing control of yourself. For example: “I love you, don’t swear.” This will allow you to stop in time.
- Sounding out feelings. There is no need to be ashamed of your negative feelings, speak openly: “I am very angry,” “I am angry because of your behavior.” Such phrases are more constructive than shouting.
If none of the above methods help to restrain aggression, it is better to consult a psychotherapist.
In the event that the cry could not be restrained, it is important to apologize: sincere apologies will not hit parental authority, but will mitigate the consequences of the conflict, and will also help build open communication with the child.
Crying is not at all evidence that the child is not loved. Many situations are dictated by common sense and good intentions – you just need to think about how you show your love for the child and parental care.