The world is changing, knowledge of psychology today is a necessary condition, without which our life can lose a lot. This also includes the modern man’s idea of marriage. The theory of family relations has undergone colossal changes in recent decades, old ideas have ceased to work, while not everyone has managed to develop new ones. That is why in this article we will revisit obsolete doctrines about family values and open a new way of looking at relationships.
Here are 6 foundations of a harmonious barrack: what should be done to keep love?
1. Get rid of illusions
If you still see your partner as the embodiment of your ideals, if he seems to you the height of perfection, we have bad news: you do not know anything about the chosen one. A strong alliance can be built only if you approach the choice consciously, and this implies getting rid of blinkeredness and illusions. Try to assess your union realistically, look at your partner from a variety of angles and situations – learn about his past, about the wounds that have left scars on the heart, about dreams and expectations about you. What does he expect from the relationship, what do you want, do your goals and life principles coincide? Getting to know each other’s psychological trauma will help open your eyes to the illogical behavior that sometimes surprises or scares you in your chosen one. The goal of this practice is to learn to accept each other as a whole, to make friends with the dark side of the spouse.
2. Discuss needs openly
Only unreasonable people live with a childish conviction that a partner should read their personality like an open book, guessing cherished desires, fulfilling any whims. The reality is much more prosaic: the spouse is not a magician and not a psychic, which means that in order to find mutual understanding in the family, you will have to talk, openly discussing your desires and unfulfilled needs. Is there something that you are not satisfied with that you have been afraid to voice for a long time? It’s time to discuss this. Only in this way peace and tranquility will reign in your family.
3. Fight inner narcissism
You didn’t get married in order to make life easier, to be lavished with gifts, but a personal “scapegoat” appeared nearby. And they chose a wife not so that she would provide for life, stamp children at the behest or gratify animal needs. All this has nothing to do with love. Stop seeing in your partner a magic wand that will fulfill any desires and complement your imperfections. Each of you is a person, you have different goals that you came to realize. The family’s task is to support a neighbor, help a partner overcome difficulties, become a source of his strength and inspiration. Not to “have”, but to give, to give and to please, to radiate altruism, not egoism. Therefore, take care of your partner, be sensitive to his soul – your relationship will only benefit from this.
4. Learn to adequately articulate feelings
If you want to save your family, you should not suppress negativity in yourself, avoid sharp topics or make endless concessions – this undermines trust between you and kills love. When there is a problem, the body is overwhelmed with anger and irritation – you need to voice this in a way that is acceptable to your partner. “I-message” is great for helping to convey a message without offending your partner. The main thing is to remember that you have the right to any emotions, just to learn how to express them correctly, without offending your partner, without touching his pain points.
5. Maintain Inner Integrity
Remember, your partner is as self-sufficient and complete as you are. Each of you has your own strengths and weaknesses, somewhere you complement each other, somewhere you contradict, but this should not make you dependent on relationships. An ideal partnership is where love fills both of them with a new feeling, makes it possible to go beyond the usual experience, to be bigger, better, stronger, to feel more whole and harmonious. If a relationship gives the illusion of harmony, while outside the union, the whole world goes to hell – this is a substitution, not love. Don’t be an inferior half, be a huge universe!
6. Love but be yourself
There is no need to try to surpass yourself, to portray something that is unusual for you. Stay real, do not be shy about your desires, hobbies and aspirations. The strongest marriages are concluded by people who are open and honest, first of all with themselves, who are not just looking for a partner worthy in every sense, but they themselves are trying to meet their requirements. A loving, reliable and generous person nearby is good, but it is even more beautiful to be a worthy person who knows how to love and is ready to sacrifice something.
The family’s job is to develop our ability to love. Not because it is right or should be, but because you cannot grow up in another way.