“I don’t solve problems. I correct my thinking. Then the problems are solved by themselves. ” – Louise Hay
Looking back on my life, I come to realize that my worst enemy was the pursuit of excellence. I was raised with high expectations, and at school every day I felt like I was competing with others and fighting to be the best in my class.
At the age of ten, I believed that I was stupid – only because my brain could not understand physics and mathematics. I was good at literature, painting and foreign languages, but it was not considered something outstanding in the Eastern European culture that shaped me.
Much later, as a grown woman, I thought that I was not looking good enough, not too beautiful, not too smart, and not too successful. I felt that I was not worthy of the love of a beautiful man, that my skills and talent did not deserve a good salary, and that I was too little of myself to apply for a tempting job.
Today my life looks completely different, and I treat my renewal with great gratitude and joy. I love myself the way I am. I am happily married. I’m doing what I was born to do.
So how did such a change come about?
I remember feeling overwhelmed after a long meeting at work and looking for a way to relieve stress and feel better. When I searched YouTube for The Secret, I stumbled upon another video that hit my heart: Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life.
Today I know that this did not happen by chance, a teacher can only teach someone who is ready to learn. I was so caught up and absorbed in this film that I could not tear myself away. Louise’s words were real magic, every single word went straight to my heart. I finally felt my home as a place where I feel great: “I love and approve of myself the way I am. I am whole and complete, life loves me. “
Over the next year, I discovered the work of other “enlightened” enthusiasts – Wayne Dyer, Byron Katie, and Don Miguel Ruiz – who drew me into an in-depth study of the precious influence of self-esteem. This teaching helped me to shake off old thinking patterns and limited cultural beliefs that didn’t affect me very well.
After much trial and error, applying their advice in my daily life, I acquired a new sense of freedom for me. Here’s what I did:
1. I stopped chasing perfection.
I am completely beautiful and beautifully imperfect, and this is what allows me to be myself.
Perfection is an illusion, it does not exist. I stopped exhausting myself with the pursuit of perfection, now I strive for “good enough.” I’ve learned to accept my mistakes as a necessity that accompanies growth and makes me wiser. If I fail in something, it does not mean that I am a failure, I just went about my business. We either win or we learn. But we never fail.
“From time to time you will feel better, it’s like a sick person is recovering. Just do your best under any circumstances, and you will avoid self-condemnation, self-deprecation and regret. ” (Miguel Ruiz)
2. I stopped considering it necessary to do something all the time.
Constantly striving somewhere is not a sign of virtue. I learned to listen to my body, and I no longer feel guilty for not doing anything. I know that my body and my soul sometimes need a recharge, and I don’t think I have to explain anything to anyone.
I watch good films, listen to calm music, read my favorite books, sing, walk in nature – I do everything that makes my heart sing.
“I am a person for life, not for work. Don’t judge yourself by how well you do something in your life. You are not the same as your deeds. Do not think that if there is no work … then there is no you either. ” (Wayne Dyer)
3. I stopped doing self-criticism.
I pay attention to how I talk to myself. I do not call myself names, I treat myself with dignity and respect. I stopped telling myself things that I would never say to a good friend. I am self-sufficient and self-worth.
I came to the understanding that in life we do not get what we want. We get what we deserve, in our own opinion. That is why you need to believe in yourself and treat yourself as a person worthy of all the best that life has to offer.
“You criticized yourself for years and it didn’t work. Try to praise yourself and see what happens. ” (Louise Hay)
4. I stopped blaming others.
Now I understand that every time I blame someone for something, I act as a victim. When I blame others for wasted time, wasted money, or unfair love, I always think about how I contributed to what happened. No one can harm or upset me without my conscious (or unconscious) consent.
Instead, I now take responsibility for how I feel, think, and how I act. I am responsible for my actions, and I know that my future will be the result of my current choices. I am what I believe in and everything I want to be.
“All accusations are a waste of time. No matter how guilty the outsiders are, it won’t change you. You can successfully make someone feel guilty, but that will not help you change what makes you unhappy about yourself. ” (Wayne Dyer)
5. I stopped evaluating others
I know that everyone goes their own way, and my task is to focus on my own goals. I also know that every time I evaluate other people, it is a reaction to something that bothers me about myself. If I think someone is narrow-minded, it means that maybe I am myself – otherwise how would I be able to see it?
“Placing blame on another or evaluating his actions deprives you of the opportunity to change yourself; taking responsibility gives you that opportunity. ” (Byron Katie)
6. I stopped making assumptions about what other people feel, want, or think.
I am not them, so there is no way to know how they are feeling or thinking.
I stopped acting out imaginary scenarios and letting my mind play with me. Every time I find myself worrying about what other people are doing or saying, I believe it is time to return to reality.
Thanks to Byron Katie’s book Work, I learned to analyze the thoughts that bother me and ask myself, “Is it true?” Many of my assumptions are probably deceiving. For example, I might assume that someone doesn’t love me, when in reality the person is just having a bad day. Or maybe the person is just shy. Always different.
The moment I understand that I cannot recognize other people’s thoughts simply because this person is not me, it clears up in my mind, and I can act with an open heart.
“I found that my assumptions were the undoubted reasons for all the wars and all the truces in my world.” (Byron Katie)
7. I stopped competing with others.
Now I know that my drive to fight was a manifestation of my ego that needed self-examination. You don’t have to know that someone else has lost to feel good. I love harmony, collaboration and win-win.
I stopped comparing myself to others. I choose to associate with people on the basis of love, not fear, and I believe in success. I want to believe that we live in a supportive universe, where there is enough room for everything and for everyone, including me.
“Love is cooperation, not competition.” (Wayne Dyer)
8. I stopped building future happiness.
I no longer count on my happiness in an imaginary future, hoping that one day, when I have a job, a home, a car, and success, I will be happy. I have learned to find happiness in the little joys of life, and I admire the one reality that at the moment brings me a lot of joy.
I stopped waiting for the weekend to feel alive, because every day is a gift, and every moment is precious and equally important.
During the day, I focus my attention not on the bad, but on the good, and everything changes. I am grateful for everything that happens around me and for everything that I have: a healthy body and mind, a loving family, a few real friends, a job that I love and believe in.
“I noticed that the Universe loves gratitude. The more you thank, the more positive things happen. ” (Louise Hay)
9. I stopped worrying about the future.
I accept that there are things in life that I cannot control, no matter how much effort I put in. Every time I find myself worrying, I say to myself, “Time will tell.”
I may not always get what I want, but I know that I always get what I need. I trust the flow of life and want to believe that we live in an intelligent universe, where everything is going well. Sometimes in life you have to wait.
“Easy life. Everything happens to you, and does not come from you. Everything happens exactly at the right moment, not too early and not too late. You don’t like it … you do something just to make it easier for you. ” (Byron Katie)
10. I no longer seek to please others.
I no longer need anyone’s approval or acceptance. Worrying about what others think is a waste of time. Other people look at me through their own prism, and their opinion does not matter to me.
I stopped expecting from others what I did not give myself: love, care and attention. Loving yourself all, and body, mind, and soul – this is not selfishness. I am overwhelmed with love for myself, and I care about my needs and the desires of my heart.
I have learned to make choices by worrying about myself rather than disappointing others. People themselves are to blame for their disappointments, because they expect me to act in accordance with their desires.
Saying no to things we don’t like is a common practice and a sign of self-care. If someone says something that sounds like “should,” I don’t. I respond when asked about my desire. My desires come from me, not from other people. I always choose what or who to spend my precious time on. I know that my time is my life and it will never come back.
My life belongs to me, and I have the right to make my choices. Life should be life, not existence, and I choose to live life without any excuses or excuses.
“Nobody will do anything for you. What others say and do depends on their own reality, their own dream. If you are impervious to the opinions and actions of others, you will not become a victim of unnecessary suffering. ” (Miguel Ruiz)
My self-transformation did not happen overnight. It is an ongoing process that requires constant internal work.
Today I am still studying in the school of life, and every day gives me a great opportunity to acquire new knowledge. I know that I have the strength to create my own reality, to realize my dreams. So I want to make sure I feed my mind with healthy thoughts. I know that I have it strong