A few years ago, on their 50th anniversary, my 87-year-old grandfather looked at my 84-year-old grandmother and said, “This is our relationship, this is my greatest achievement.”
My grandfather’s words stayed with me forever. They were beautifully romantic, but most importantly, they were absolutely true. A healthy relationship is an achievement. They make commitments and really work when two people are willing to meet and put in enough effort.
If you are in a relationship and need some help, keep the tips below handy …
1. Heal old wounds with forgiveness
Every moment of your life, you either grow up or die – and when you are physically healthy, that is a choice, not a destiny. The art of maintaining happiness in life and relationships is about balancing the actions of holding and letting go. Yes, sometimes people you trust (including yourself) can hurt you. The state of pain is something that cannot be avoided, but being constantly unhappy is already a choice. Forgiveness is a remedy. You must let go of what’s left behind you before you can feel the kindness in front of you.
2. Stay clean when you make a mistake
An honest heart is the beginning of everything that lives up to this word. The most respected people are not those who never make mistakes, but those who admit mistakes if they do, and then move on and do their best to correct them.
3. Stop gossip and start chatting
There is a good rule of thumb: if you can’t say something to someone’s face, then you shouldn’t talk about it behind your back. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Great minds discuss ideas, ordinary minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.” Life is too short to be wasted talking about people, gossiping, and getting into trouble around things that don’t matter. If you don’t know, ask. If you disagree, please tell me. If you don’t like it, tell me. But never discuss people behind your back.
4. Give people space to make their own decisions.
Stop judging others by your own past. Never act like a judge or treat people your way. They live a different life from you. What is good for one person may not be so good for another. What is bad for one person can change the life of another for the better. Let the people in your life make their own mistakes and make their own decisions.
5. Do things that make YOU happy.
If you want to awaken happiness in a relationship, start living a life that makes you happy and then radiate happiness into the relationship. If you want to get rid of the suffering in your relationship, start by eliminating the dark and negative parts of yourself, and then radiate your positivity into the relationship. Indeed, the greatest power we have in this world is the power of our own transformation. Any positive change you seek in a relationship starts with a mirror image of yourself.
6. Show your loved ones your kindness in the smallest things every day.
Aesop once said, “No act of kindness, even the smallest, will go to waste.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. You always need to be kinder. You never know what the other person went through. Sometimes you have to be kind to someone, not because they are good, but because you are good. Too often, we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, listening … An honest compliment or other smallest act of care – all of this has the power to transform life around.
7. Speak less when less is more.
It takes some courage to stand up and speak; but it takes even more courage to open your mind and listen. Pay attention and be a good listener. Your ears will never get you into trouble. People in our lives often need a hearing ear, not incoherent speech. And don’t listen with intent to answer; listen to what is said with the intention of understanding. You are as beautiful as much love you give, you are as wise as there is much silence after you.
8. Let your love and faith conquer your fear.
You will never lose if you love; you will lose if you keep. No relationship is possible until you give your partner a chance. Love means giving someone a chance to harm you, but trusting that they won’t. Without that kind of trust, the relationship cannot survive. You cannot simply believe that you are afraid of others; you must believe in their good faith. If you ever allow someone to trust you, you should feel like you trust them too.
9. Accept without waiting
Unconditional perception is what we want but rarely get. Remember, people never do things that are contrary to their character. They may do things that do not meet your expectations, but what people do shows exactly who they really are. Never expect anything from people. Who they really are is not what they say or what you expect, they are how they behave. Either you accept them as they are, or move on without them.
10. Let go of everything that’s wrong
Know your worth! When you waste your time with those who don’t respect you, you are giving away a part of your heart that will never return. All failure in a relationship hurts, but losing someone who doesn’t appreciate or respect you isn’t a loss. Some people appear in your life for a while to teach you something. They come and they go, and they are all different. It is completely normal that they are no longer in your life. Now you have more time to focus on the relationships that really matter.
Remember, even the healthiest relationships have small flaws. Relationships that are too “black” or “white” in terms of quality and health are doomed. Bear in mind that there will always be difficulties, but you can focus on the good things. Instead of constantly looking for signs of what’s not working in your relationship, all you have to do is see the benefits that are there and then use them as a solid foundation to build on.